Q1. Mahirap bang maging NBSB? Elaborate.
In my own experience, “mahirap” is not the right term. I don’t even know how to say it. Para kasing ang bigat ng word na “mahirap” sa ganitong context. Kasi, while curious rin naman talaga ako kung paano ang pakiramdam ng may BF, hindi ko naman dinamdam masyado. Insecure naman talaga ako kahit noong bata pa, mahiyain, tahimik, kaya sanay ako noon na may pagka-loner, later lang lumabas ang kulo ko, he he.
In hindsight, I realize that I really did not expect to be an NBSB since when I was in high school, we had to answer the question, “How do you see yourself 10 years from now?” I couldn’t see myself as successful at anything yet–I wanted to be a writer, but wasn’t counting on any success–so I gave the usual answer, na I actually almost believed at the time: Married with children.
That was the only thing I thought I was sure about, kahit wala namang nanliligaw at all. But being in a country where we place so much value on attainment, I thought that was sad, to be “just’ a housewife. I wanted to be a wife that was successful at something other than being “just” a wife and mother. Not to insult housewives, ha? Alam ko, mahirap maging housewife, madalas mas mahirap pa sa actual job. Thinking lang ito nang isang teenager at that time who wanted to prove herself. Bata pa ako noon.
So, anyway, kahit nagkaka-crushes ako noon, kinikilig, minsan feeling-era, hindi ko priority ang relationship, especially when my father had a mild stroke when I was 20. It changed the family a whole lot that I had to concentrate on work. I would’ve welcomed a chance for a relationship, but it never really came. I held on to the notion that if it’s meant to be, eh di ganun’. Tsaka di komo BF, magiging asawa na, iba pa ring level ‘yon.
Don’t get me wrong, I did try a bit to find “him”. Sabi kasi nila you never really know kung saan mo “siya” makikilala. Kasama na d’yan ang makipag-text, eh kaso, aksaya lang sa load, wala pa namang unlitext noon. Eh puro di sila seryoso and I think, they got turned off, too, kasi ako seryosong makipagkilala. Di ko kasi trip ubusin ang oras ko sa lokohan.
Case-to-case basis kung mahirap nga ba. Sa laging naghihintay, malamang, oo.
Q2. Dumating ka na ba sa punto na feeling mo magiging single ka for life? Share some of your experience.
I think I started to dread it noong nasa first job palang ako, the first years. Kasi una, wala namang nangyaring romantic noong college. Anyway, without elaborating too much since di naman gano’n ka-relevant, naging sort-of-terror ako noon sa work, sa students since nag-work ako sa tertiary school. Di ko alam kung naging factor ‘yon sa pagtagal lalo ko sa NBSB department. Pero mabait naman ako sa co-workers and other people. May friend nga akong nagungulit, she kept asking me why I didn’t have a boyfriend and puro assumptions siya why, trying to see what was wrong with me, kaya sabi ko, ganu’n talaga, wala akong appeal sa iba. I meant it in the most non-self-deprecating way.
Kailangan kasi, magpakatotoo ka rin sa sarili mo. It’s not about looks, maganda ka man or otherwise. It’s the appeal. Minsan, kahit di kagandahan ang ugali, lapit pa rin ang mga gustong tumuka sa palay. Besides, hanggang crushes lang din ako, wala ako talagang nakaka-close na lalaki. Ang basis ko kasi ay friendship. If he is not friend material, what more pa na boyfriend?
I also did not want to be desperate at papatol sa may GF na, lalo sa may-asawa. There was a married guy, I knew him briefly, but he was starting to somehow make a move. I nipped it in the bud. Much later, there was an old foreigner who befriended me online since we belonged to the same groups. He said all the nice things about me and I made it clear I just wanted to be friends. Alam niya na NBSB ako. What was alarming was when he said, “If ever my wife gets sick and dies, I’ll be the first one to ask permission to court you.” Ay, teka lang, medyo scary na, ha? I started keeping my distance–well, online distance. I declined every implied invitation to visit their town. Whether he meant it or not, it wasn’t a nice thing to say about the wife (I sort of told him that) and it was scary. Kahit naman NBSB ako, di ko naman sila papatulan.
More years went by and somehow, I learned to accept that there was a very big chance that I would be an NBSB-for-Lifer. I kind of learned to embrace it. I have an anecdote nga na may mga kasama ako, mas bata at magaganda at ligawin, nade-depressed dati kasi walang lovelife. Sabi sa akin, di raw ba ako nalulungkot at wala akong BF. Nakangiti kong sinabing hindi naman and meant it. Tapos hindi raw ba ako naiinggit sa iba? Sabi ko, minsan, naiisip ko lang what it would be like. Ang sabi ba naman, “Eh di depressed ka nga!!!”…Huh? What? Depressed agad? Di ba p’wedeng curious lang?
Ang sa akin kasi, alangan namang magmukmok ako sa isang tabi habang-buhay. It’s a matter of choice. Gusto kong maging masaya sa buhay kaya nasa akin na lang ‘yon kung papa-depressed ako sa isang bagay na malamang eh di talaga darating. What kind of existence is that? Si Mother Teresa nga, di nag-asawa, tingnan natin nagawa niya. Baka may higher purpose, who knows?
May kilala akong maagang nag-asawa, sabi sa akin, swerte ako wala akong problema. Well, that wasn’t exactly true but I got the point. I then realized na hindi talaga tayo makukuntento. As much as single people can be jealous of having the joys of family life, married people can be jealous of the single people’s “freedom”, ‘yung you are not accountable for other people.
Okay. Masyadong mahaba na ang article na ito. May tatlo pang tanong na dapat kong ilagay dito pero sa Wednesday na lang. Abangan natin ang buhay pag-ibig ng isang NBSB. 🙂
Kung medyo gusto mo na siyang makilala, puntahan mo na lang ang blogsite niya: The End Justifies the Journey .