Do you hear me?
I know you do.
I just wanted to ask.
I wanted to be comforted.
I wanted to cry to you.
Things are not going well.
Can I ask you something?
Is there a healthy amount of love?
I mean, I feel I haven’t invested love in myself just yet.
Lord, guide me.
You’ve seen me, you knew me.
I am always following you.
I am always obeying my parents.
But my feelings are not in the right place.
I am hurt.
I was disappointed.
I am having a hard time continuing.
It was so painful to follow.
Is there a right amount of love I can give to myself?
I don’t want to be selfish.
I don’t want to be self-minded.
This has been going on for many times lately.
But at the end of the day, I don’t act on it.
I felt I was bad for thinking and even feeling this way.
And then it has repeated again.
The day before that.
I poured my heart on you.
Tears kept falling.
I cannot control myself.
I want to break free.
Yet I also feel I shouldn’t.
I have nothing on me.
I’ve given my all.
Is this why it feels painful?
Is it because I am selfish to think my money’s my own?
Is it because I am selfish to think I don’t need guidance from anyone anymore?
Is it because I’m on my twenties?
Tell me, Lord.
Talk to me.
I am fervently asking for help.
How can I confront them on things I know they think would be good for me?
How can I deal with these head on?
How can I act upon it?
I think this shouldn’t come from me.
Speak to their hearts, Lord.
Tell them I love them.
But I cannot love myself with them just controlling everything in me.
Don’t they trust me?
Do you trust me?
I just know there are things to remain in place, and things I can handle on my own now.
I believe I need to learn to do some things my way.
I am not getting any younger.
And I am not getting any experience for these things at all.
So then, how can I survive this world?
One moment after another, I would face the reality.
How about that?
What do I know?
God, teach me.
I never thought there could be such imbalance in my love for others.
I never thought it was not healthy anymore.
I never thought this will moderately kill me inside.
What’s the right timing Lord?
Is it now?
Do I need to confront this now?
Do I wait for them?
I don’t know.
I just know I love them so much.
I would do anything for them.
Even if it means, I still need to put these things away.
Because what matters is them.
But if this will get in your way and in your plans, let me know.
Let them know.
We need to sit this down together.
Hear my prayers, God.
I love you.