Paano i-handle ang #FriendZone?

“Sorry. Kaibigan lang talaga ang turing ko sa iyo.”

“Binigyan mo ng meaning Bes. All I know is… kaya mo iyon ginagawa sa akin kasi kaibigan mo ako.”

“Hanggang dito lang ang kaya kong ibigay. Pasensiya.”

“Okay naman diba? We are happy with what we have – friendship. I think it must stay as it is.”

Wala na akong maisip na mga linya na pwede mong matanggap kapag naranasan mo ang ma-friendzone. Baka may naiisip ka pa? Comment mo lang! Ang article ko ngayon ay hango sa pinagsama-samang pananaw ng mga naranasan ang ma-friendzone at mang-friendzone. Thanks Dex, Mica and Jem for the answers sa TOTD (Topic Of The Day). Most of the write up here ay galing sa napakadaming alam sa friendzone at maaari na siyang ituring na isang expert – Doc Jem.

Huwag na tayong magpaligoy-ligoy pa. Let’s answer the TOTD directly. Parang friendzone. Sabihin mo agad. Diresto Bes! Wala nang makukulay pang mga salita!

The best way to handle friendzone is to accept the fact na kaibigan ka lang talaga. Chill lang. No offense taken dapat. Kasi hindi mo naman pwede ipilit na mahalin ka kung kaibigan lang talaga tingin sayo. But in reality, kadalasan nagiging awkward. Lalo kung malalim na ang pagkakaibigan ninyo. You must see the person the way God sees him/her. It puts everything in their rightful places, and it changes your perspective. When your mindset changes, your actions toward the person or situation will also change. Tiwala lang Bes!

Asking God to help you see the way He sees things changes your heart from a self-focused one to a selfless one. Kasi matututunan mong hindi na it doesn’t matter if nadismaya ka na friend lang ang turing sayo. Masaya ka na mahal siya ni Lord at may plano si Lord for the both of you.  Hindi ka dapat makahon sa sariling mong feelings. Instead, you become grateful of the experience of the dynamics of relationships. You get disappointed sometimes, but you learn and grow and change and love like Christ.

Ideally, it has to be accepted.  I think it’s acceptable in a sense na you can convert your love to different forms like being supportive and caring. Guys usually take this “friendzone” seriously. Because they are the one who pursues. Pero it takes a matured one to actually learn than life will not always go the way they expect it to be. Dapat marunong din silang mag-manage ng expectations nila.

Inevitable sa girls ang mang-“reject”. Hindi naman pwede na bawat lalaking magpakita ng interes sa kanila ay obligado silang bigyan ng chance. May priorities din ang babae. May responsibilites. May buhay na inaatupag.

Sa babae namang na-friendzone, manage your expectations lang din. Face the disappointment. Then move on. If you started as friends or currently have the friendship, then just grow where you are planted. Wag nang ipilit. Wag nang maghinanakit. Either you ditch the friendships and do all the drama, or keep the friendship and be matured enough to know that relationships can still be awesome even if you’re just friends. Pwede mo namang ilagay ang feelings mo somewhere na realistic. You dont necessarily have to beat yourself up for having feelings, masyado ka lang nag-set ng unrealistic expectations siguro.

If you look it at a diffrerent perspective, “friendzone” is a service to men. Haha! Kasi may mga babaeng matalino naman talaga to “reject” guys kasi alam nilang kahit ipilit pa ang relationship ay later on hindi magwo-work out. May mga babaeng kilala nila ang sarili nila and they know what they want in life. They are giving these guys the chance to grow as real men and realize their potential to be of greater use sa mundo hahaha

Sabi nga sa guest blog post ni Exhibit A, huwag tumawid sa #friendzone dahil nakamamatay. Read this article: Friendzone 101.

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24)

Updates as of April 28, 2017:

Sumagot si Engr. Joshua sa ating TOTD. In fairness, binisita ko ang About Page niya. Astig! Ikaw na bro!

“Buti pa nga ang friendzone eh… May conclusion. Yung sa akin, paasa-zoned ang girl… I was already begging for the sweet relief of rejection, pero she was still keeping me on her arm’s length, away from any conclusions, keeping me confused over her mixed signals. 1.5 years nang ganun.”

Grabe naman iyon! Haha! Baka kasi masarap ka talagang kasama at kakwentuhan. Pero who knows diba? Magkaroon siya ng change of heart. Pero may mga bagay kasi na huwag na dapat pilitin. Parang tubig at langis. Try to read this: Girl Paasa. Girl Umaasa. Girl May Pag-asa Pa.

May pahabol din na sagot ang dalawa kong kasamahang lalaki sa PSA na sina Mikee at Marts. I’ll combine their answers na lang.

Madaling sabihin na tanggapin na friends lang kayo pero meron at merong kirot kasi iyan. Friedzone is the lighter term for rejection. Na-reject ka pa rin at masakit yun. If you are brave and strong enough, assuming na ikaw ang na-friendzone, maaaring you will accept it and continue being friends. Pero may other side kasi yan. Paano kung ang nang-friendzone sayo ay awkward na ang pakiramdam kasi umamin ka na? We should be brave enough to accept pero honestly di ko alam how to handle kapag iniwasan na niya ako. Parang no choice nalang din kundi tanggapin. Kaso nawalan ka na ng potential lovelife nawalan din ng kaibigan.

Tama nga, frienzone is the same with rejection, only with a promise na pwede pa rin kayong maging friends. Pero masakit talaga siya eh, as if sinasabi sayo na you are not worthy of me, you are not enough, dyan ka lang wag kang ano. Haha! Siguro wala namang tao na kayang maghandle easily and lightly ng frienzone experience nila, mas madali nga lang siguro at mas nagkakaroon ng katuturan ang experience kapag secured ka in Christ. Usually kasi nagiging bitter yung iba kapag yung identity nila got smeared because of their experience.

Any violent reactions? Comment na!

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