The Search is Still On: Nagmahal, Iniwan, Hahanap ba Ulit?
Life has it’s way of surprising me. So I am a big fan of the saying “Life is full of surprises”. Yes many surprises that made me doubt about love and this thing called “forever”. “Meron ba talaga?” I started 2016 with lots of questions in mind and ended it with another set of questions, hoping the coming new year would finally give me answers to my never ending queries in life and love.
It started with…
“Saan ba siya?”
“Darating pa ba siya?”
“Ano mukha niya?”
“Paano ko siya hahalikan at yakapin?”
Too bad I got the wrong answers for these questions. False alarm! Yes I met someone this year, made me believe that he’s the answer to those questions I have in mind. I thought he was the one for me. All the promises… the plans we made… and the proposal he did. (Akala ko tapos na ang searching mode.) A beautiful surprise beyond my expectations yet a bitter sweet parting ended such unexpected surprise. Is it part of the game? What happened between us I made it my muse to my poetries and proses. The breakup was always the subject and the pain the predicate.
And so now… few more days left… then new year 2017 will welcome us with open arms.
(Sa ngayon ginugulo parin sa mga tanong…)
“Bakit ganun na lang kadali?”
“Saan ako nagkamali?”
(And believe me, ang dami pa talagang tanong hindi kasya ang araw para buuin lahat.)
It happened already and it is not within my control now. I cannot change what had happened in the past. All I know is nagmahal ako… iniwan lang… magmamahal ba ako ulit? The search is still on – probably. Am I ready when he comes? Well I wasn’t prepared for the break up thing but I have to accept it and move on from it. Yes, I will be 32 next year and still hopefull about finding “Mr. Forevermore”.
“I am just a girl… looking up the sky… asking heaven, where is he? the one who will truly love me for who I am.”
Till now heaven is so quiet about it.
This story is from the author of Love Quirky. She’s an expressionist and will make her voice louder than ever before. She is not the dreamer that sits in the corner… she is the doer, the risk taker, and the ambassador of obscurity… she is a woman of action!