It’s been two weeks since I started questioning why I’m still single at the age of 28. I can’t help but look back and see the journey I had since my last relationship.
It was 11 years ago when I had my first romantic relationship. Anyone who would hear my story will say it was too young for that kind of love. Instantly I would admit it, yes we were both young back then. That relationship lasted for almost two years, it wasn’t an easy one. Although we’ve known each other since grade school and you might say childhood sweethearts. But it was never an easy road, we had our shares of differences, from family values, characters and even career path, we disagreed most of the time.
But after all, we knew back then that we need to support each other. We agreed on special things, we love basketball games and we love each other. Those two things glued us and made us back to each other whenever we almost hit the ground of almost separation. Because we love each other too much we planned out our future together, we had our wedding plans and a future family set up. We agreed to have a simple backyard wedding, and seven children because we both came from big families which made us desire to have our own big family.
However, there was one thing we always disagree; PDAs I don’t like it as much as he wants those public declarations of our devotion to each other. And I didn’t give away anything that I feel inappropriate with our age. He measured my love with those standards. And it always left me broken because the world knew with all its creation I love him so much that I cannot compromise things for us. Instead I express my love in unique way, I sent him monthly love letters through a local post office that the letter will be delivered to his dorm school. I watched all his basketball games even to hide from my parents because I need to travel to the city alone. I always ask for his prayers and dreams and assured him that he was with my prayers, that every time I asked God to take good care of him and all our plans together. But things still not enough, we had that two months of silence after a big fight after my birthday, because he still asking me about that one thing that I cannot give away because I knew it will hurt my parents and the people that love us and parts of our journey in relationship.
In those moments I cried and prayed that things would be better, I asked God to spare our relationship and I cannot let go of him that easy, but the day came that I need to let him go, I need to set him free. It was a breezy day in the university when he went to pick me up, after two months of silence between us finally he decided to show up, I was praying the whole time, I want us, I want us back, I want him in my future. And so we walked in silence, suddenly he holds my hand and I started crying silently, I tried to bargain on my mind and heart that if we got to cross the street I will release his hands and if he followed me on the other side of the road then it will be us, it will be him and me despite of everything from the past and in spite of what will be our future.
Crossroads, I let go of his hands, cross the street and when I reached the other side I look back and he was not there. He walked the other way back from the road we walked on silently. I want to cross the street again, I want to run after him but I had a bargain in my prayers, I had a promise to fulfill that day. To let him go, and trust what will be ahead of us, unsure and unknown. After two years we met again, he said that he wanted to move on and forgive me for leaving him. We cried and we prayed, right then I knew that we still love each other, the same love we had before we separate ways at the crossroad. But now we are mature, we knew our priorities and we knew our differences very well that we both knew how to adjust and submit to what is right. He told me, “When I thought you deprived me of the love I deserve from you, it dawned on me that instead you gave too much, your love is too much and too good.” He added, “I prayed for us, I asked God to give me you, I told him that I want us back, I want us in the future.” That moment we shed tears without hesitation nor pretensions.
He continued, “But God said, “No, it was not Wait or Not Yet but it was a No.” “I don’t want Gods answer,” I told him and he agreed. But we know that rebellion means consequences and curses. We want the best for each other so why we should put each other to that kind of life, selfish and temporary. That day it was cleared again, it was not us, it’s not him and me in the future. And I’m glad we had the same heart in that sense of letting go. Just two years ago he got married and now expecting a baby.
So now let’s go back to my single life, I am still single, no exclusive dates nor official suitor. There are men who expresses interest but it wasn’t go far to pursue me in that manner. After that last relationship I consider three guys but it didn’t work out well.
I am still unsure the reasons behind my single life journey, because my desire to be married started since I was grade school when I realized how blessed I was to have a happy family, back then I promised to myself that I will have my own.
But I want to live in that moment, I want to respect the season where I am now and not miss any opportunity to grow and blossom. Maybe I will be married soon, or maybe not until my last breath, but I don’t want to live in that just waiting and hindering myself for anything that will make me a better person.
This story was sent by a girl who happened to be a single. LOL! Everything happens for a reason diba? LOL! Ayaw muna niyang magpakilala pero sa tamang panahon. Cheers!