Doctor Eamer

PAG-IBIG ATBP.

Almost Relationship

Q1. Ano ang tinawag na “almost relationship”? Please explain it in layman’s term.

A1: Almost relationship for me belongs to “more than friends, less than lovers.”

Follow Up Q: What are the specific things that “friends” do? What are the specific things that “lovers” do? Cite specific examples just for comparison.

FUA: Friends hang out, talk anything under the sun, no reservations whether they can offend or hurt one another. Friends don’t care whether you communicate daily or yearly as long as you’re friends.  Lovers sweet talks, can talk anything too but there are reservations. There is a need to communicate daily.

Follow Up Q: So what does it means to be “more than friends but less than lovers” based on your previous answer?

FUA: More than friends kasi your connection and communication exceeds from being friends like updating each other daily, think of each other time to time, and everytime there is something big or small that happens, you inform each other, you miss each other often too, you care for each other but on the contrary you’re less than lovers because there is no written or signed or agreed commitment that you are committed to each other. It’s as if you wanted to commit and not wanting too. It’s like you wanted to take risks but you’re afraid at the same time. One or both parties have issues to settle because they can’t commit. You enjoyed each other’s company, yes,that’s given but enjoying is different from wanting to commit. Or maybe both are testing the waters if they really feel something towards that someone. It’s the modern day relationship I guess, for cowards of course. (pun intended)

Q2: Then this kind of “Almost Relationship” is the same as “No Label Relationship” which was previously posted at my blog? Explain.

A2: Yes. The same with No Label relationship. No commitment just enjoying each other’s company. Friends with benefits. 🙂

Q3: Will you recommend this kind of relationship to other people? Why or why not?

Honestly, it depends on the circumstance. Yes, if you only need companion and not ready for commitment. Who know’s it might get real. OR  If you just want to have fun but you have to clear things with the other person. No, if you’re not ready to take all the risk. Others end up lovers while others end up into unrequited love. And they say unrequited love can kill. If you’re the kind of person who loves truly, don’t settle for this.

Q4: So what are your current “learnings” on this kind of relationship?

I learned not to invest too much in this kind of relationship. I know it’s not easy but you have to keep up your walls and guard your heart. You cannot assume unless it is stated otherwise. You cannot expect too much. You have to give not more than but just a little less to save your heart from misery. I also learned that you have to break your heart at the end of line when you wanted to cross the boundaries that are invisible. If possible, you have to stay in the sidelines. (though it’s difficult). If you’re brave enough, just break your heart if you really love the person. Just LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.

Q5: What is your message to that someone you are in an “almost relationship”? Feel free to write as long as you want. Your identity will be hidden. 🙂

I think the term is someone who WERE my almost relationship. I called him my star crossed soul. So this is an open letter for him:

My Dearest Oceanic Nomad,

Funny because up until this moment while riding a jeepney I still talk to you in my head. I still cant find the right words to begin this piece inorder to end my torment, inorder to heal my self-inflicted wounds.

This is finally the beginning of an end.

When you left, all left to me was my aching broken heart, I can hardly breathe. The chill I felt because of that cold night you said goodbye made me shiver even more. The pain in my stomache and my broken soul. And this is not for the purpose of exaggeration but to extricate pain and sorrow. I wanted to write every single detail of how I was feeling as a way of saying goodbye but I can’t grasp a single word of it. All I know was that its too painful to bear.

Nevertheless, I have to write. To heal and to move on. To forgive myself and eventually if time allows me, to forget even the beautiful things our almost relationship has taught me. I called it almost relationship but not almost love. It almost did but it never happened anyway.

I never have the intention of giving this letter to you but if time permits, I will keep this with me. But I know the world needs this, to those who could relate, to encourage how wonderful it is to let go and to prove them how strong I was of fighting something I am not supposed to have.

I can never hate you but I have high hopes that whenever I see you again, I could flash that same smile I gave you when we first met or that half smile behind my mask. I wish I could smile like that again. That stranger’s smile.

After 3 years, I have learned to open myself completely. I, soon realized that it’s not that good. The effect you had with me was shocking and unexplainable. How it was possible to like or almost love someone you barely know? And how it was possible to miss that someone so much it hurts? And how it was possible to feel an excruciating pain when he walked away from you ?

Logic cannot explain it of course. Poetry will. Prose will. And maybe soon my stories will.

I have missed you at the end of the day.
I have missed you before sleeping and after waking up.
I have missed the texts, chats and calls.
I have missed the stupid jokes.
I have missed the laughters that glided in my ears.
I have missed the voice which lightens my load.
I have missed the song you used to sing.
I have missed my friend, my companion and my confidant.
I have missed my soulmate, my other soul.
I have missed everything about us.

Sometimes, I will miss you but sooner, your memories will be a blur. I cannot forget you and all that you have made me feel but one day I know I will arrive at a place in time where it would not bother me so much. We dont have moments together but in my heart of hearts, we have memories. You will be a special memory.

Now I’m leaving you. I’m leaving you to your dreams. No what ifs and could have beens. I wish you genuine happiness and I hope that whenever I crossed your mind at all, you’d remember me as the girl who sincerely cared and have almost loved you if only you have allowed her to. You are a wonderful person and I am so glad knowing you.

This is sad but this is me letting you go.

Your Pixie Siren.

Thank you Ms. Anonymous for answering my questions. I hope that your “Almost Relationship” will be “REALationship”. Cheers!

***

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This entry was posted on July 5, 2016 by in Love & Relationship.
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